This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
