Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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