At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
