Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
