Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
