You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
