Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just gift wrapped bread.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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