Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
