I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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