I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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