I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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