so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
