Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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