I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
