My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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