It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
