Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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