I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
