I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
The uberlube is also flammable
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
