Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
