I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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