If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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