I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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