ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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