Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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