It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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