there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
