It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
