He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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