your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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