wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
