how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
