Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
she woke up with a sticky ear
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
