Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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