she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Even my vagina gasped.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
