Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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