White coat. Heels.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
send nudes
from the living room?
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