i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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