I don't usually arrange sex via text message
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
