i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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