if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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