he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
