you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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