and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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