That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
