I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
