Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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