Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
