the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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