Taylor Swift is so right about you.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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