Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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