I'm pants shitting drunk right now
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
