is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
