I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
