Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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