no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
