I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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