i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
