i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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