He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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