A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
