my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
