3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I think my moral compass just broke
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
