Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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