Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize