if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
